Malaysia Today - Your Source of Independent News
Malaysia Today - Your Source of Independent News |
| Posted: 21 Jun 2011 03:26 PM PDT By Tell It Like It Is Number One Phobia is BERSIHPHOBIA. Number Two Phobia is BUFONOPHOBIA (the fear of Toads). The chief victim of this phobia is the one and only Pee Em of Malaysia. The fear reached such height that the sufferer even back down from implementing the NEM (New Economic Model) due to the menacing stare and puff up face the Toad (read IA). Mind you this is even after the Pee Em has already spent RM36 million paying the "Con-Sultan" to come up with the special and techno sounding acronym. In most cases sufferer of this phobia is also afflicted with a debilitating disease called ISOFLOM (I'm scared of the FLOM). P.S. The cabinet has the disease too! Number Three Phobia is Decidophobia (The fear of making decisions). As you might have guessed…the major suffer is …Our Pee Em. With numerous flip flop and go ahead and go stand kind of decision (with 99% or maybe 99.9% or 100% confidence-looks like I got it too) I'm definite that the Pee Em suffers from this phobia. It has been said that his penchant for flip flopping (Decidophobia) in his decision making process (not sure if it can be call a thinking process) are only eclipsed by the "Shopaholic" addiction of his Missus. A combination of Decidophobia and Shopaholic addition is decidedly a danger to the Malaysia people and its economy. Number Four Phobia is Ephistemophobia (The fear of knowledge). This phobia is suffered by nearly all the Ministers and vice Ministers in the Malaysian cabinet (then again I know that all Malaysian would agree that the whole cabinet suffers from it). This is evident from the way all of the Ministers run their respective portfolio and especially when they open their big mouth. The best example of Ministers, chronically suffering from this phobia is the Minister of Communication who repeatedly wanted to censor the internet (at same time also suffers from acute memory loss especially about his PhD thesis and his bridge burning pledge). The other is The Minister of Tourism who because of the fear of knowledge didn't know that opening an FB page is FOC ( and there's no need to pay hundreds thousands of RM and millions for a few pages). The worse sufferer is The Minister of Defence who because of the phobia end up buying a submarine that wouldn't submerge (or maybe that was the intention?) and paid a hefty RM500 million consultation fee to a RM2 shell company (who negotiated the increase of price instead of bargaining for a discount..Huh?). Talk about ignorance! I can go on about the rest of the ministers and the cabinet members but let us go to the next phobia. Number Five Phobia is Hippotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia (The fear of long words). The chief sufferer of this phobia is the Minister in the Prime Minister Dept , Idris Jala. Due to his phobia, all manner of initiative, plan and strategy must be named as short as possible thus only in Malaysia did we have all sort of acronym such as NKRA (most of us called it "and Kera"?), NEM (the flip flop brand of the new economy), the GTP (sound more like a rally or a racing brand) and best of all PEMANDU (so the govt doesn't know how to reach their destination so they hired a driver, huh?). Next… Number Six Phobia is Ergophobia (The fear of WORK). This phobia is suffered by the whole government machinery. WHY? Well, for a country of 26 million people, Malaysia have a huge number of civil servant but it still take forever to get something done and done correctly. It took the government two years to come out with a new economic plan and guess what? Because of a toad, the plan was scrapped! Furthermore it was revealed that the work was actually done by third party economic consultants who were paid RM36 million! What did the Finance Ministry do during the time? Brainstorming to find a cool and tekno sounding acronym while smoking cigars bought with public money? The Defence Ministry was guilty of the same crime too. The Ministry of Defence who are in charge of national security loss a number of fighter jet engines (they have since found the missing engine in a south American country and BTW, not a few but it was only a single engine that was missing – they really don't know how many went missing do they?). Number Seven Phobia is Consecotaleophobia (The fear of Chopsticks). This phobia was first suffered by a born again Melayu or to put it bluntly someone who was essentially of an Indian descent but consider himself as a pure blood melayu and more recently " a Chinese man who converted to Islam but mistook it as becoming a Melayu". Maybe due to his irrational ranting and hysterical writing in a blog and the born again Chinese Melayu article frequently published in a major Melayu daily, this phobia spread among the various Islamic religious dept and to the upper echelon of the ruling party. Therefore ever since the phobia spread among the various network of government body, almost all of the Chinese population in Malaysia was subjected to a second class status (due to the fact that the Chinese always use chopstick and have no fear of it whatsoever). And anyone, even though they are pure Melayu and a Muslim, who are associated with a Chinese majority political party are deemed as the accursed ones ( that's why PAS and PKR are considered as the evil pembangkang). It's extraordinary that a fear of a kitchen utensil led to the discrimination and vilification of a segment of the Malaysian people. Number Eight Phobia is Cyberphobia (The fear of computer or in a broader sense technology). This Phobia has kept the Election commission shackled and languishing in the stone age era of verifying voters registration by manual hand writing and eyeball confirmation. Electoral roll too are slowly compiled manually, due to the fear that computers and technology will somehow cheat and mischievously print erroneous lists that will ensure the overwhelming victory of the opposition. The use of bar code and biometric are frown upon because those method of verification rely upon computers and its computing ability (and to the fact that Election commission fears that the computer will somehow be able to switch off the light in the ballot counting hall and at the same time replace ballot boxes). Curiously enough during the UMNO party election of 1988, the light in the vote counting hall did went off (and ballot boxes were replaced) but no computers were present at the time, heck the only computers that were available during that time were calculators! Number Nine phobia is Dentophobia (Fear of Dentist). I know many of you would think that only children are afraid of dentist but sure enough many grown men fear the dentist. The dentist most Malaysian (mainly those from SPRM and the judicial or the AG office) fear is none other than the former MB of Selangor ( I eat tempe regularly and that's why my face is sooo tight and shiny) Khir Toyo. Due to the phobia it took the men from SPRM almost two years to bring him to court and again due to the fear of dentist, men (if you can call them that) in the AG chamber could only muster the courage to charge the tempe loving ex-MB of buying a plot of land and a bungalow below the market price (huh???). The SPRM and the AG chambers was so afraid of dentist that they decided to charge the tempe dentist the flimsiest of crime in the hope that the trial will be a short one and they will not have to see the face of the dentist very often. Number Ten Phobia is Heresyphobia (The fear of challenges to official doctrine or radical deviation). The government has an acute Heresyphobia. Due to it they tabled a motion to introduce an act that will make it legal to arrest anyone who challenges the doctrine of the government of the day . However to get this motion passed in the parliament with the support of the opposition, a different name for the act was use and the purported use was changed to. The name of the act was none other than The infamous Internal Security Act of 1960. And thus Malaysia is the only country that has an act passed by the parliament because of a phobia (which violate its constitution, making it an illegal act) and Malaysian also one of the few democracy still existing under the Emergency Ordinance rule. (WE are not at war and we are not suffering a major natural disaster and still we are in the state of emergency – a sign of the country falling into a coma and are being rushed to the emergency room of a hospital).
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